I almost forgot about the walking to school. Then I stomp out of the bathroom, put on clothes, grab a fresh Humiliation Sheet and walk to school. We look like an example of people who shouldn’t breed and what their offspring would be. “Nothing.” I open my eyes and look at the mirror image of me and Mom, with her face slightly wrinkled before she gets the makeup in the creases, and Dad on the right, a naked fat face with a naked fat body, hands securing his towel like a happy Buddha. “We never had a girl.” I hear a soft ruffle as he grabs a towel and gets it around his wide body. “It’s not like he’s a girl,” Dad retorts. “Jeremy?” Mom asks, cracking the door open. “Can you finish the second bathroom? Please?” I plant my hands on either side of the sink and close my eyes. “Ho pippity pum pum!” Dad says, shaking his penis. “How’re my two boys in there?” Mom asks from outside in a singsong voice. It always looks like it’s pressed up against a sheet of glass. “Dad, you were never in the army.” I turn toward him, then regret it because his naked butt looks weird. “Son, you’re catching me midstream,” Dad says. “Um, could I, um, get a little privacy in here?” Dad is completely naked, as is usual before 10 A.M., except for his black socks. “Uh, hey,” I say, breaking my stare with the mirror, turning the water on so it looks like I was washing my face. “Goood morning,” Dad says, ushering himself into the bathroom. When I get enough money for plastic surgery, I’m going to start with. (Michael and I used to have dandruff battles, actually, ruffling our hair violently in a sunbeam to see who had more glittering scalp waste.) My lips are drawn back and ghoulish.
Things to make with smart pixel purse full#
My hair might be thick, but it’s full of dandruff like a snowstorm. My face is too long and the sockets that my eyes sit in are off-kilter size-wise, as if I were meant to have a larger eye on the left. I mean, I have brown hair and brown eyes-good, right?-but under a critical light, which is how the world views you, I can see how I might resemble someone with palsy. I’ve been doing a lot of Appearance Checks lately. Next morning I am determined to sort out who started the rumor about me and Christine and the letter.īefore that, though, I go to the bathroom to do an Appearance Check. I use it like most teenage boys do-exclusively for sex. See you tomorrow.”Īnd I go into my room (wop wop wop)…to enter the Internet. Hey, I’m gonna watch the rest of this Dismissed by myself, cool?”